guns and the movies

My friend and I just returned from the movies where instead of a rich drama full of subplot and nuance we were instead treated to a steady diet of two jerks talking, joking and laughing all the way through "The Village." To add to our enjoyment the woman next to me kept popping her phone on to message someone and the guy behind us refused to turn his phone off so it rang twice. One ring for the phone up front and another for the phone in the back.

How to handle this??

Like Ghandi? "I'm so sorry for you my brother that even at the movies people bother you on the phone. It must be so unpleasant for you."

Like Clint? "I know what you're thinking. You're thinking, 'That's a .44 magnum. One of the most powerful handguns known to man. But he won't use it in the theater.' Well, punk, you guessed wrong." BOOM!

Like Homer Simpson? "Hey, How come he's got a phone with his popcorn. All I got was popcorn. MMmmmmmmmmmm... popcorn."

Maybe there should be special implants in the phones that can detect a special frequency emitted by movie theaters. If you try to use your phone in the movie house you head blows up. It'd be hell on the poor teenagers who work the theaters for minimum wage and have to clean the aisles after each show. You know it's going to be a big mess.